Archive for September, 2009

Taiwan Temples

Thursday, September 10th, 2009

I want to fly above the rooftops of Taipei with my good friend Meei Meei  —high on the chi of the universe. Romantic sounding to be sure, but we might get to do some rooftop flying before this year is out.

Grandmaster Yuen is going to Taipei, Taiwan in the middle of November for  Module 1, Nov 14th-15th and Module 2, Nov 21st-22nd, and if anyone can lead the way over the rooftops…

Among the many attractions of Taipei in addition to rooftops is the National Palace Museum, or the fourth ranked  museum of the world.  OK, so I guess fourth is pretty good, but…

Taipei is also known for its legendary night shopping which sounds even better.   Who wants to sleep when there’s some serious shopping afoot!

It reminds me of the olden days when I lived in San Francisco.  Night shopping in SF China Town was magical and is much missed. Chris would be purchasing strange herbs from bearded inscrutable Asians, and I would be trying on the colorful, silk Chinese jackets.

First on the Taipei list is temple sight seeing, though.  I’ve heard that most everything pales when it comes to the many, glorious and grand temples of Taiwan.

I have a bit of enticing info about three Taipei temples: One temple for wish making, one for calamity prediction and guess which one just is what it is… The Taoist temple, of course.

Lung Shan Temple (211 Kuangchou Street)  “Make a Wish Temple”


Lung Shan Temple or Dragon Mountain Temple can be found in the Wanhua district, right in the heart of Taipei’s old town.

Here’s my advice:  Everyone who visits the Lung Shan Temple should probably make a wish. Legend has it that the temple was built because a goddess was granting wishes on that very spot back in the 18th century. Once upon a time, you see,  a man left a Kuan Yin (Goddess of Mercy) amulet hanging from a tree, and when night fell, the amulet began giving off a brilliant light.

The people in the neighborhood soon found that the charm had the power to grant wishes.  After enough wishes came true, they respectfully decided to build a temple to the goddess of mercy, herself.

You have a better than average chance of finding your favorite god or goddess there, as more than 100 deities are housed within.  The temple is now known as ‘the meeting place of the gods’.  I wouldn’t mind meeting a few.

Zu Shi Temple (81 Kangting Rd) “The Nose Knows.”
Another temple we should probably visit is the Divine Progenitors Temple. The first thing I would want to do is check and make sure the nose of Panglai is residing on his face.

Legend has it that every time a disaster was about to happen the nose would take a ‘nosedive’ onto the floor. After the calamity or threat of calamity was over, the diving nose would spring back up to it rightful position. Talk about ‘the Nose Knows”.

This temple was constructed in 1787 and it houses the seven images of Divine Progenitors, Panglai reputably being the one with the most power.  We shan’t, therefore, name the  6 lesser deities. Hopefully, they will not take too much offense but if they do… who cares!

.

Bao-An Temple (61 Hami Street) “It is what it is.”

Bao-An is located in the middle of the Da-Dung District, or the spiritual center of Taipei. Affectionately known as the Temple of Da Dao Kung, which literally means the temple of the Great Taoist Master, construction was begun in 1805.

This fine temple required a full quarter-century to complete because all the different wood and stone materials had to be brought over from mainland China.  Even the artisans were imports.

One of the biggest draws of the Bao-An Temple is enshrined in the middle of the bell tower—-the Goddess of Birth, Zhu Sheng Niang-Niang.  Flanking her, are 12 female aids, each charged with the task of with assisting child birthing during a particular month. Here is a good tip I found on the internet about getting the gender you want out of your pregnancy.  I lifted it straight from a website dedicated to the Birthing Goddess herself.  And I quote:

For those who didn’t have a chance to get any baby (after long period of trying), they could also visit Zhu Sheng Niang Niang Temples to request for babies. The couple just needed to prepare the following items:

For Baby Boy, prepared White Flowers (of any type), white flowers represent positive or Yang, after offering this to Zhu Sheng Niang Niang, she will get the message and bless accordingly.

For Baby Girl, prepared Red Flowers (of any type), red flowers represent negative or Yin, after offering this to Zhu Sheng Niang Niang, she will get the message and blessed accordingly.

In the old agricultural society it was considered lucky to have many children and grandchildren, so women from far and wide would come to worship the goddess.  They most often petitioned for sons and still do, as a matter of fact, especially on Zhu Sheng’s birthday.  When is her birthday you might ask. The 20th day of Lunar 3 month is the answer.

This temple features the usual dragon pillars at the entry way, and also a pair of stone lions that are not so usual.  Normally, the male has an open mouth and the female a closed mouth.  (There’s a big cultural difference!) But both of these lions have open mouths!

Bao-Sheng Da Di, the god of medicine, is the the temple’s main man/god.  Reportedly, he was given human form by a skilled medical practitioner in China’s Fujian Prvince, back in 979.

As you can see in the picture of the colorful and perfectly carved roof, the temple is in excellent condition. Not so, always, though.

A seven year restoration project of major proportion was launched in 1995, because of the termite infestation.  At the completion of the project, there was a three-day sacrifice or ‘chien chiao’, to celebrate and thank all the gods.

As you can imagine, there was a lot of god thanking and celebrating going on. People like to think their fortune and prosperity rises and falls with the temple’s ups and downs.

Included in the festivities, was the ancient custom of fire walking—”stepping on burning coals with bare feet by the young wizards who hold aloft the deity’s sedan chair”.

Fire walking is one of  the Taoist practices left over from the olden days–you know, young men proving their magnanimous strength of mind, body spirit by showing off.

Thanks to Dr. Yuen, we’ve moved on…

Right, Meei Meei?

Night of the Full Moon: Stuck Here for All Eternity!

Friday, September 4th, 2009

I had a really weird dream last night:  This tour guide was dropping me off on a planet that I’d never been to before.  I was standing with a bunch of other humanoids—males, females, young, old—some of them couples.

The tour guide dude had a cigar in his mouth and looked like that Indiana Jones character. He was dipping into a bunch of bags and giving out different kinds of currency to everybody.  But before getting back into his space craft, he had us move in closer so we could hear some last words of advice.

“Now don’t forget what I told you, folks….that human emotion stuff is the most addicting chemical in the universe. I can’t explain why this planet is overloaded with so many rampaging feelings–you’re just going to have to experience it for yourself.

In other words, try all the human emotions you want–it’s why you’re here in the first place.  But even those positive ones are deadly.  One positive emotion could keep you stuck on Earth for all eternity, or at least till somebody bails your sorry ass out and that will cost you extra.

So watch yourselves now and remember your delete button.  Use that midline correction technique I showed you every so often, just to delete the accumulations.

Whatever happens, don’t let yourselves get so gummed up that you can’t find your own freaking delete button. I can tell you right now, you’re not getting back on my ship all loaded down with those stupid human emotions.

There’s plenty of people like you that I brought down to Earth—brought ‘em here for what was supposed to be only a 79 rotations around the sun vacation, but now every time their human form gives up the ghost, they hop into another one.  The poor bastards just can’t stop coming back down to this planet.  They’ve even forgotten they’re true origin.”

True origin…true origin…true

Right about then, I sat straight up in bed, thinking…holy shit, that was a weird dream.

Unevolved Ignoramuses Rule the World

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

Welcome to my website, you unevolved ignoramuses.  I’m a Guru and you’re not. Today, I’m going to tell you this simple truth:

Real Gurus need no followers.

Got it? Good.  Let’s move on. Right off the bat, my unevolved ignoramus friends, there are at least a dozen things you won’t ever need to do:

  1. Love your pain
  2. Tap on miscellaneous body parts
  3. Pluck invisible shit out of the air
  4. Relive the agony of your birth,
  5. Pant like a dog
  6. Think about nothing
  7. Repeat meaningles syllables
  8. Make yourself a pretzel
  9. Stuff white cloths in any of your orifices
  10. Twirl in a circle to Jerry Garcia’s Music
  11. Give spiders a second chance
  12. Pretend everything is all good

You couldn’t stand it if it were all good.

But If any of the above sounds good to you, get the hell off my website.  I gave you enough links.

It doesn’t matter how you feel about me or yourself. Any puny little emotion you can muster up at this point is powerless to do much of anything.  So go ahead… love or hate yourself to death—it’s all the same right now.

I’ve got a higher self but I’m holding back.  In other words, don’t expect me to channel my higher self for you unevolved ignoramuses until enough of you are on the same page.  We need to reach critical mass first and I’ll be the judge of when that happens.

Also,  just keep your own higher self to yourself, too  I only want to hear from your lower self and maybe a few in between selves.  Got it?  Good.

As far as higher beings go—there aren’t any beings higher than you, so remember that.

Believing in the Incredible Hulk as the good guy is as good as believing in the one god theory–nobody ever invaded anybody else’s homeland with the Incredible Hulk on their banners and I’ll lay odds they never will.

Supreme beings are for the poor schmucks who need to believe somebody besides their mama cares about them.  And as long as we’re on the subject-I don’t care if your mama loved you or not and neither should you.  Go swallow some cloth!

Trusting in any hanging dudes on a cross, supreme manly beings who hurl shitbolts and/or goddesses that will love you to death keeps you stupid the rest of your life and on in to the next few rounds.

That’s probably enough to swallow for now.   We need to get one thing straight right from the start.  Don’t ever expect enlightenment, you unevolved ignoramuses.

Enlightenment is already your right as human beings. Period.